Above all else I want to see.
Putting in my contacts each morning, so I can literally see, is a meditative ritual for me. As I clean my hands, preparing to touch the lens, I close my eyes and say “I ask that I may truly see.” Then I place one lens in one eye and then the other, asking the same prayer. Blinking my eyes to adjust my vision, I ask once more as I look into the mirror, “May I truly see.” And any time throughout the day when I scratch or touch my eyes, it is my reminder of my true desire to see and I state that intention once more.
I have found that the idea of what vision entails changes yet it still seems to revolve around the central desire for True Vision, Sacred Sight. It sounds good wanting vision above all else, especially for someone who is blind as a bat, but what is it that I am trying see? Curiosity alone can make one claim today’s statement.
“You may feel hesitant about using the idea, on the grounds that you are not sure you really mean it. This does not matter. The purpose of today’s exercises is to bring the time when the idea will be wholly true a little nearer (ACIM Lesson 27 1:3-5).”
A seed was planted for me long ago, as with certainty it was for anyone reading this or anyone on a spiritual journey. A seed that I believe I planted so subconsciously that I’m sure there are care instructions written on my soul for this particular journey. And, undoubtedly, this seed has been nurtured over many lifetimes to come and grow into the spiritual vision I have today.
When I started to exercise today’s statement at a certain point on my spiritual journey, I remember squinting my eyes a lot trying to “see.” I would look at plants, clouds, cars, and people and try to engage some sort of Superman x-ray vision. I would literally sit in cafes or other places and just stare at things. Nothing came except weird looks as I would even do this in conversation with people and they would reflect back at me a look that said “Why is she squinting at me? Do I have something on my face?” Yes, although I was the crazy one, for the other person involved it was still all about him or her. On a spiritual journey, you embrace being considered strange and wear it like regalia as it is a rite of passage.
When straining my eyes for True Sight didn’t seem to work, I then started to soften the gaze. It was amazing. When I let go of effort, I noticed that I could see other things beyond the object I was looking at. I could see colors surrounding people. I could see shapes and forms that radiated a certain light. I would often find myself seeing orbs here and there. When this started happening I realized that I had seen these things before when I was a child and at various times throughout my adulthood. They were visions I had always dismissed. I chalked it up to something being wrong with my contacts, glasses, pupils, or corneas, thinking it was something medical rather than something “realer than real.”
This sort of vision was cool and trippie but it brought a sense of fear in me. When I started to claim this sort of sight, I knew I was headed down a whole new road. A rabbit hole that I wasn’t sure I would ever return from. How would this effect my life? My relationships? Who I was in the world? Would I have to give up something in my life to truly see? What would be asked of me if this sight was my desire?
I was so conditioned in the “tit for tat” ways of life and the “always expecting something in return,” that I was sure the God I was connected to was waiting like a good drug dealer for me to get hooked to then slap on the shackles from which I would be forever indebted to. Yet how could an all loving God who created me limitless confine me to such limits? After some time, I recognized this voice to be that of the ego. The small mind scared of what it would lose once this journey, which has already begun, continues. It is a voice that often needs to be tended to and integrated on such a journey. It is a voice that seems to resist the process and can be considered a “nag” but this voice is truly a gift asking you, “how bad do you want it?” Think of this voice as a remind for you commitment. And with a deep breath and renewed courage, you reply back, “I want it above all else.”
“Vision has no cost to anyone…It can only bless (ACIM Lesson 27 2:3,5).”
You see, True Vision is not at the expense of something else, but at the expansion of all else. Sacred Sight values our human sight and senses but shows us that there is so much “more,” and that what we are desiring, even without knowing what it means, is that “more” part.
On my journey, I didn’t know what I was truly asking for and, to be honest, as I say my mantra each morning and evening when I put in and take out my contacts, I’m still not sure if I truly know what I am asking. But as the Course tells us, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is our willingness.
What I do know for certain is that I do come closer and closer to the truth of today’s statement. What has been shown to me is the sight that I truly seek, is potentially not of this world and has nothing to do with human vision at all but something beyond the five senses. As of recent, as the vibrations of Earth have elevated and as human consciousness experiences life at higher vibrations at what some call 4th and 5th dimension, so have my abilities to “see” expanded in a different way than I could have ever expected. For example, I will be in a situation (conversation, observation, circumstance) and all the sudden a knowing will come over me about all those involved. For a moment, it is as though I can see so, so clearly. It is a knowing that includes my sense of smell, hearing, touch, sight, and taste but extends beyond that to something that I can’t even put into words or fully explain. The outer world isn’t reflecting what I “truly see” at the moment which makes it seem loony, but what do you do when every part of your being just knows? Maybe it is something akin to intuition or a gut feeling but even that feels limiting. A truth that the human senses can’t grasp but only the senses of something greater can comprehend. Even trying to describe something so unlimited with words seems to be rather limiting and futile. Maybe this is living life in 5D?
I know I am not alone in this. And neither are you. No matter where we find ourselves on this Walk in Miracles, with time we are shown what it truly means to state, “Above all else I want to see.” We step forward with our willingness and let our Guide show us the way. Remember squinting really hard doesn’t help although feel free to try, it may work for you. We all have different gifts of communication and that may be your way in. It just wasn’t for me.
Regardless, no matter how big or little effort is made, we are sure to be granted that which we seek. In this walk we make together, a little something is truly better than nothing. The effort of planting the seed has already been done. All you must do now is nurture it.
“…you can be sure you have saved yourself many years of effort (ACIM Lesson 27 4:6).”
Today, look upon the world with childlike wonder at what really lies beyond what you see, yet what is also a truth that is staring you right in the face. With an excited heart, greet each vision you see with love and wonderment. This is a beautiful journey we are on and much more radiant and beautiful than these human eyes could ever see. Enjoy.